Grave yard shifts

So I have been working grave yard shifts at work which gives me a lot of time to myself since I work from midnight til 6 in the morning all by my lonesome... I was going back through blogs and reading them, giggling at some and tearing up at others (I know I am a total baby)... I'm not gonna lie, I miss living closer to my family and friends... I love having Shawn and Shane here but sometimes they irritate me and since I live in a house full of boys I need some time away from all the testosterone, it gets lonely for a girl in a house full of boys... Anyways, I just wanted to take some time and tell all my family how much they mean to me... Dad- Thank you for teaching me to go for my goals in life and to never back down... I have taken after you in many senses, I have looked up to you for a long time and as a young child I always knew that I wanted to work in law enforcement, you encouraged me to do it and I love what I do! I have gone through jobs like I change my underwear and I should have listened to you a long time ago and just jumped in head first... Love you for that!! Mom- Ever since I can remember I have idolized you... You're my best friend and confidant, you taught me growing up how to be compassionate and caring... You taught me to take pride in a clean home and that someday I want to grow up and be just like you... I watched you raise 7 kids, and we were not by any means easy children to deal with, haha... You did it with love and made it look easy... I am amazed at how you survived all those years raising us without pulling your hair out... I don't have any kids of my own yet but someday when I do I hope that I am 1/2 the mother to my children as you were to us... I love you so much and thank you for everything you taught me! Tara- I can call you up at any time of the day (or night) and talk to you about anything... I have always seen so much of you in myself and I love it... I can remember growing up, you were like a mini mom helping us little ones out... I watch you now with your kiddos and I am amazed by the love and warmth you give them, they all light up around you. You have taught me a lot about myself, you always know what to say to me even if at that time I don't want to hear it. Thank you for all you have done for me and continue to do (and Willy T, too), I don't know where I would be with out you... Love you sister! Heather- Where oh where do I begin? I remember growing up, you and butted heads like none other... But then we grew up and moved away from each other and you also became one of my best friends, you make me laugh with your antics and smart remarks... I always know that if I am down in the dumps that I can count on you to make me laugh and see the good in the world. You have always been there to help me bounce back after I fall, you were there many days when I lived in the valley and needed an escape and I love that about you, seester. You have always been reliable and trustworthy! Erin- I know that you and I still have our moments and I think that maybe it has to do with the fact that you're still mad at me for bonking you on your noggin when Mom brought you home from the hospital... Haha, no I'm kidding... You out of all of us kids have been through your fair share of hard times and yet you almost always have a smile on your face and a little bounce in your step. I appreciate that, because when I am down in the dumps I don't have that quality in me. You have brought a lot of sunshine into my life, thank you and love you Ernie. Shane- You drive me bonkers sometimes because it seems like sometimes you wait til the last minute to plan things out... But, in the same token you are a live in the moment kind of guy and I want to be more like that some day... I get tired of all the hustle and bustle and sometimes I need to slow down and take things in and appreciate the small things in life. You have taught me how to slow down some and to enjoy those things that I was missing. You never forget to tell me how much you appreciate me for things and I love it (maybe I shouldn't admit this) when I am sitting on the couch at the house and you bend down and kiss me on the head. Sometimes I need that. Thanks brother, love you!! Shawn- You remind me of me sometimes... With your hot headed-ness!! You and I are so quick to jump down each others throats but I have seen you on more than one occasion after a fight tell me that you are sorry... It makes me soooo mad sometimes, because you are the bigger person and say it first, but then I remember that you just said sorry and I can't be mad at you anymore because it makes me smile. I love that you are the first to jump up and help me when I ask for it, especially when I am at my limit... You have taught me how to appreciate the little things in life, whether it's taking out the trash or wiping something up you notice those things... Love you!! I just thought that I needed to get it out there and let my family know how much I love and appreciate them, I could go on forever about how much I love you all but I am getting off in about 45 minutes and I still haven't finished cleaning up at work... Plus, I leave for Cottonwood right after this so I kinda wanna go home and get my stuff together!! I love you all so so so much and I know that I don't say it near as often as I should, I will try and work on that! I miss you all a ton, but I have to say when I do get to see everyone and we get together it makes it that much more awesome to spend time with all my best friends... I consider each and every one of my siblings my best friend, I remember growing up and Mom would say to us if we were fighting or beating up on each other that someday we will look back and regret hurting each other because that person would be our best friend someday... Look at us now, we are! Who would have thought when we were younger that Mom knew what she was talking about? Love you Mom, Dad, Tara, Heather, Erin, Shane and Shawn...

Howdy hey my peeps!!


So, it's been a while since I have been on here! Life is about the same, I am working my booty off right now and trying to just keep on top of the necessities in life!! I have been out here in Holbrook now for a little over a year, still don't love it here but I am out on my own and loving it! (Not that I didn't love living with my family, but there is something about being out on your own and doing it yourself again that is soooo gratifying!) I love love love my job and most of the people I work with... I moved into a new place in January with Shawn, Shane and their buddy Chris... It's been interesting to say the least, I just keep telling myself 6 more months and the lease is up lol... Is that totally horrible? Probably, but I am a SUPER BIG neat freak and they all could care less about the house being clean... I feel like it's a never ending job cleaning up after 4 adults and 1 child that is here half the time... I can't complain too much tho, this house is much nicer than the one I was living in before and I can't say that I am ever lonely really because there is always someone here to drive me nuts!! Haha... I am still single, I can actually say I am enjoying it! It's nice to be able to talk to who ever when ever I feel like it and not feel like I am going to get in trouble for it... I have made lots of great friends out here and some of the people I have met feel like family members!! I seriously have like 50 more big brothers that I didn't have before and some of them drive me nuts but I will forever cherish the relationship I have with them all!! 


Ummm... That's about it, my life is really hectic right now with my schedule but I don't do much more than work and clean... When I'm not doing those things I am usually sleeping!! Getting ready to switch to a grave yard shift so that oughta be fun, I'll be by myself at night at work so that won't be fun and I am hoping that I will be able to stay awake the entire shift but it'll be good... Anywho, I am going to go relax now I don't do much of that these days!! I miss my friends and family like crazy, hoping to take more time off soon so I can go see every one!! It is much needed right now!! Love you all, and thank you to everyone that has been there for me the last couple years, it has meant the world to me!! I wouldn't be where I am now without all the love and support from every one!! Until next time!!

I'm still alive!!

Hey everyone!! Just wanted to let you all know I'm still alive in case you were wondering... Life has been busy since my last post, I moved out to Holbrook for work... I love my job for the most part, there are some people that cause lots of drama but it is what it is... I don't love Holbrook but I live right down the street from work... Still single for the moment but the other day I was driving to Cottonwood by myself and it was the weirdest feeling but this sense of peace literally washed over me and for the first time in a really, really long time I felt great about my life and where I'm at... Don't get me wrong I still want the same things but I'm ok with just me right now!! Work has been crazy, there are some days that when I sit down at my work station I don't get up for 8 hours straight... I have to say that some of the calls that we get on 911 are crazy and keep all of us dispatchers laughing, the only thing I don't like about this job is that in a certain way I have become desensitized to situations that I never thought I would have and I hear about those things that you don't think about really happening. I kind of wish sometimes that I was still a little more naive to the bad things that happen out there... I'm not saying that I didn't believe before this job that bad things didn't happen but I didn't know the extent... Eventually I would love to go to the academy and work over at the jail but for now I'm grateful for my job. I just moved into a new house with Shawn and Shane and one of their friends... It's a cute little house, sometimes it's overwhelming to live with 3 boys but I don't have the problems with this house that I had with the other one. So yeah, life is good!! I miss my family that I don't get to see very often but I have a job and I'm supporting myself again and it feels good!! Love you all!!

Holy moly

Ok, seriously I feel like I have blessing upon blessing rain down on me in the last month. Last month I met with the bishop and talked about going on a mission. I was so absolutely positive that it was what I was going to do, but about weeks ago I got a call that I have been waiting for since February from Navajo County Sheriff's Office saying that the dispatch job I applied and tested for months ago, and I got the job!! I was a little overwhelmed, ok that's a lie, I was way overwhelmed at first by everything... I had a few break downs, I've cried more in the last two weeks than I have in a year combined it feels like. I accepted the job out in Holbrook and will be done with my job here in Cottonwood on the 17th and hope to be moved out there no later than the 19th! I am so very excited for this new chapter in my life and to see where it will take me. This has been something that I have wanted to do for a long time but there was always something holding me back. The only thing that would hold me back at this point would be myself. I am determined to go out there and prove to myself and people who think I can't do it, that I can and I will. It will be a challenge I suspect but something that I have to do for myself mostly. I need to focus on me and doing what's best for me and not everyone else. I also feel like this is something that I have to do for Tara and Will. They are expecting their 5th baby in December, they have a lot going on with Sawyer and I feel that it is much needed for them to not have to worry about one more person. They need to focus on their family and getting things back to normal. I am so very grateful for my family and friends who have been there for me this last year, it has almost been a year to date since I thought my life was over. My life never ended, that chapter closed and I have opened many new ones since. This will be the best yet. I will miss the kiddos, I love being able to see them every day but I have to go do this. I feel like at this point in my life it is necessary. I will keep every one posted on what's going on in Holbrook and maybe once I get all moved in and everything I will take some pictures of the new place and post them... Until then!!

Big decisions ahead...

So I feel like I need to blog tonight, there has been a lot going on in life... I have certain feelings that I need to put down so that I can always remember them. As most of you know the last few years have been challenging for me. Most of those challenges were brought on because of the decisions I had made and the paths that I had chose to go down. A year ago I was planning a wedding for myself and Wes, a few days before the wedding he called it off and told me he couldn't go through with it. I was devastated and for months I had a hard time figuring out what my life was going to be like. I spent a long time feeling sorry for myself and wondering "what if" on many things, I dwelt on what was supposed to be rather than what my life was. I still hurt sometimes but after tonight I now see why things happen the way they did. I can't say that I thank Wes yet, I still miss my best friend, but I know that the Lord had a greater calling for me at this time in my life. I have decided to go serve the Lord and serve a mission. I have a lot of preparing and praying to do but for the first time in a long time I feel like this is right. I haven't felt this feeling in a long time. I blame President Johnson for putting the thought of a mission into my head, but I am very grateful for him planting the seed. I have been thinking about this for a few weeks now and I tried to talk myself out of it feeling right... I met with Bishop Olson tonight, I didn't tell him what I wanted to meet with him about but when I sat down with him he started asking me about my family, if I was dating, what I had been up to in the previous months before I had moved back to Cottonwood. He then asked me if I knew why he wanted to meet with me, baffled because I scheduled the appointment I told him I didn't know but I had some reasons as to why I had wanted to meet with him. I then thought, "he's going to give me a calling," not that that would be a bad thing, but I really wanted to focus on talking about a mission. He proceeded to tell me that when he heard and saw that I was moving back he had an overwhelming feeling to talk to me about serving a mission. Right away I cried, I bawled like a baby but I know without a shadow of a doubt that Bishop Olson is called of God and he knows the things I needed to hear tonight. I know that for a while there I was on the wrong path but I am so excited to take my experiences out there and share my testimony with those who are willing to hear it. I am so excited for this chapter in my life, it's a chapter I never saw coming but I know that this is what my Heavenly Father wants me to do right now. I love you all and am so grateful for all the great examples I have in my life. I have a lot of big decisions to make in the following months but I am excited for the challenge!!

Tons of fun

These last couple months have been interesting, I moved to Snowflake and recently finished all my testing to become a 911 dispatcher... It was a lot of work but well worth it, so hopefully they have a position open up sooner rather than later. Since I have been here I started kind of seeing a guy, I don't want to say much about it right now because things are still up in the air with us... All you need to know is he is amazing and treats me like a princess.

This last week has been somewhat of a challenge for me... Wednesday I had my last round of testing, which always seems to stress me out more than I like to admit. I was on my to Holbrook and my stomach was in knots and doing flips, I thought I was going to lose it. I had to take a CVST (controlled voice stress analysis test) which is kind of like a lie detector test. They had me fill out 192 yes and no questions about my life like if I have ever used drugs or what is the worst crime I have ever committed and didn't get caught. They ask you some pretty personal things and I thought that was it... I was wrong, then they hook a microphone up to you and ask you 19 questions and from what the guy says when you lie your vocal cords send out a different pitch that you can't hear. I did pass, thank goodness, I didn't have anything to lie about but it was scary... So, overall could have been a really bad day but turned out pretty good because I passed my test... Then Thursday morning I wake up and I'm freezing, like down to the bone... I put a second comforter on and I still can't seem to warm up, on top of it I hurt everywhere!! Every muscle in my body aches and one side of my throat hurts. I slept the majority of the day, no joke, I woke up to take a shower and went right back to sleep. Over night, I had full on strep. I ended up going to the hospital for it because my tonsils were so swollen I couldn't eat. I sent Mom a picture of my tonsils (which I would totally post, but it's extremely nasty) she called me and told me I needed to go to the hospital. Tara said the same thing... So off to Showlow I went, three and a half hours later I was pumped full of 2 liters of IV fluids, antibiotics, steroids and pain medication. I felt worse when I left than when I went in... Yesterday, the swelling went down tremendously, I was ready to go hiking (no, not really) and today not so much... They're swollen again, not too bad but they hurt and I'm exhausted!! I am continuing to take the medication they prescribed me but I want to feel better today. The doctor who saw me asked me how I was breathing when I went in... I looked at her and said, "Very carefully". I think I stumped them, but they all looked at me like I had some weird disease and I should be quarantined... For now, I am taking it easy, sleeping a ton and lounging around. I haven't done my hair in days, I'm kind of diggin' it... Haha... That's the update on my life!! It's a good time, I miss my family and friends like crazy!! Love you guys!!

Gratitude

Hola!! It's been quite a while since I was on here last, I'm a slacker I know, but nothing exciting ever happens!! I just wanted to take some time out of my day (as I sit here bored at work) to tell everyone that reads this how grateful I am for you. I had the opportunity to give a talk in church on counting your blessings. The entire week I thought about what I was going to get up and say, it made me really nervous to be honest... When I heard the topic I thought to myself, "Self!!" (that was for you mom and tara), no but really I thought that it was going to be super easy to come up with stuff for that subject. But alas, it was not... I started to think about the things that were the most important to me in my life and the two that popped into my head time and time again was family and the gospel. I had a discussion with a friend of mine out here in Tucson and she made a good point, it's so easy to say that we're grateful for family and the gospel, but why? It really got me thinking, there is a deeper meaning to it... So family and friends that read this I am grateful for you... For being there for me this past year, picking me up when I stumbled and fell along the way and for lending shoulders to cry on and hands when I needed them. Thank you so much for not judging me for the choices I made and for the road I went down. I realized just how lucky I am to have you all in my life, I know that when nothing else seems right in the world that I have amazing people that I can call on and know that they will be there for me. Not every one has that and I hope that in return that you all feel like you can call on me when you need it. I have realized that my life isn't so bad, I had a couple bumps in the road but I'm still alive and happy. I love the holiday season, I love to watch people come together and be harmonious... I have an amazing life and even more amazing people in it... I love you all, thank you so much for being there for me.